yoz... today teachers' day celebration... went back WGS and see my teachers... OMG... everyone sees ME say the same thing, "Joan, U slim down liao"... hahaz... so happy... last minute I was told to go on stage to give a speech and present the hamper to the Mrs Song(our principal)... hahaz... When I go stage... feel so the nervous cos everyone was cheering lor... they still remember ME sia... hehez... Mr Ivan lee (my idol & V-principal) say my speech good and he is proud of ME... so happy...

Yeepi... passed my 1 star kayaking personal skill award... early in the morning everyone is in SIP mood(stoning in process)... do u know wat I gt sea sick lor... feel so the giddy when on the kayak... so more it is a 1 man kayak... den waves so big... gt diffculty kayaking back to shore... dunnoe if wanna to take 2 star kayak... =P

Yup... MOK YU CHING lost his voice completely... and he still wan to talk =X... too talkative liao... every 5 words he say 1 word will be soundless... hahaz... and I keep imitate the way he tok... so fun... =D... and when he wan to say XYZ ABC... I cant hear... =P... no voice still wan to sing and he spoils the song lor... =X

btw MOK YU CHING gt a message to the whole world.... dun call him... msg him is better... cos he cant tok nw... hahaz... and I think he deserve it....

WGS had promotion tests today... dunnoe how they fair cos I havent tabulate the result... hope they did well... after changing back to mufit... Mr Junus (my physics teacher) was looking for ME... wat the hell!!!... during sec sch life very scare of him cos whenever see him sure no good news one... den he brought me to 2 of his current sec 4 students which means my juniors lah... den Junus praised me sia... say I am his real life example... cos I usually failed his physics if i am nt wrong I only passed once or twice... den perlims gt E8... and U noe wat I gt B4 for my O-level... yeepi... so happy dat day when gt my result....

Junus wan to to tell the 2 gers how I study... den I just tell them lah... OMG... 1st time Junus praised me sia... usually he will suan me like siao... was very happy dat I share my experiences with my juniors... If anyone of u wan to noe mi experiences can come look for me lor... =D

Went to fancy drills meeting... once I reach there kena scolded by Sara's parents(Fiona & Shu Hui) cos I late ma =P ... hahaz... the 3 of them gt balloons for themselves... but Fiona & Shu Hui didnt take the balloons when they leave... and u know wat... Sara took the balloons and do experiences on me... if u study physics u will noe the static electricity... ya lah... Sara take the balloons and rubbed my hair... and make them stand... OMG... my hair very messy lor... So long neber see u den u bully me... sob sob... =X (just joking lah)

Wah lau... first time late for marketing tutorial... all bcos of MOK YU CHING lor.... suppose to meet him at 12.30pm at PS... u know wat time he reach.... 1pm lor... lucky I will went HQ first if nt go dhoby ghaut for nthing lor... went to walk ard the food court den he say he want to go HQ again... go there liao... closed cos lunch time... den went to Han's... too many ppl... at last we went to Fish & Co for our lunch... we left at 2pm.. the time my marketing tutorial start... OMG... took taxi back NYP... but Yu Ching paid $5 of the total fare... xie xie... =D

Nearly scolded F*** U during EWS... really cant stay the teacher Katherine Yeo lor... was helping mi frenz ans her Qn den she ask me keep quiet... whole class mood was darm F***ed Up lor during her lesson... everyone face was like darm bo song... dunnoe how to pass my EWS... =X

after lesson recieved Mok Yu Ching's call... he said he wan the accred paper... which means I need to go home and take for him lor... one moment he say he want to meet the next moment he say he dun want... wat the hell... but in the end we still meet... hehez... I very honoured lor... he come woodlands and meet me for the accred paper...

went to Pastamania for dinner... he add the chili oil like nobody business lor... OMG... lips crack liao... still eat so many heaty stuff... in the afternoon deep-fry food... den dinner hot food... after dinner we went timezone... he can play those shooting and racing game den well... but sux at bball... and air hockey... hahaz... retarded body...

really cant stand Yu Ching liao lor... sick until like still eat chocolate, ice cream... btw he eat ice-cream can drip one lor... drip on his leg lah... drip on his hand lor... like small kid lor... hahaz...=P

He thanks me sia... he say he had fun today... hahaz... of cos lah... all the arcade game I paid one or... hahaz... actually is the credit dat i didnt finish from the last visit... actually I also had fun today lah... make me laugh like stomach painx... =X

btw the first thing Mok Yu Ching say when I ans his call was SIAO LEH... which means it is my new nickname liao lor... OMG... but dun care I still call him PIGGY.... =P

wah lau.... so sianz nowadays... dunnoe wat happen... just feel like I am living in my own world... especially yesterday when I recce mandarin hotel ballroom... OMG.... I think my brain too lazy to think... must try something new each day if nt i will die of boredom...

piggy: take carez of urself hor... remember to take medicine hor... =P

wahahaz... went for kayaking today... so fun lor... had capsize drill and I drank so much of sea water and my eyes so pain... I gt choke by sea water as swimming the stupid 50 meters... OMG... my arms muscles r screaming nw as I am typing my post... i think tml I will have a hard time playing my guitar or even writing... btw I only slept for like abt 1 1/2 hr yesterday... and I am still so the engetic today...

Wah Lau... my shoulders and cheeks are burnt... hahaz.. actually I dun mind getting burnt lah... cos I gt used to it liao and I also wan to get more tanned... next week is my kayaking 1 star test... I wan to pass lor.. so that next time can jio ppl go kayak liao... hahaz...

hoho... today Cai Yun, Aishah, Lai Huan, Sing Yeng, Ben & Khee Rui come mi house and discuss their sept camp... cos they gt no whr to go le... wah lau... they all bcome sicko liao... btw this camp is a training camp lor... so u guys should know lah...

looking forward to their campfire... 4 hrs... actually looking forward to the last part of it... which was the cmc memebers shared their experiences in other camps and courses... OMG... their main purpose is to make the cadets cried... i think cmc members will cry 1st lor... but it is a great idea lor... let the cadets know how different it is outside WGS... must motivate them to go for other camps.... =D

we catch the table-tennis match together... even though Jia Wei didnt won but she played real well... she thrash the opponent 11-0... so cool lor... we all will like crazy lor... when Jia Wei gt the points... shout so loud and ABCs all come out frm our mouth when the opponent won... hahaz.. so fun... =P

one of my worldz(Carrie) very suay today lor... she thought that EWS is at 2pm and when she enter the class... all different faces one... hahaz... den she darm embarrassed lor... hahaz... actually b4 dat she took a cab home cos she forgt her wallet... OMG... she darm pissed off lor.. lucky we go for EWS if nt she will go crazy lor... hahaz...

neber go "tong" with Jun Xiong, Terissa, Joanne, Angeline and Herry... cos tml gt RCY activity.. they also very pro lor... gt marketing lecture tml... today still can go "tong"... i think tml marketing lecture sure gt many ppl neber go one... wah lau... take up our sat just bcos u cannot make it on thurs... some more neber inform our class... u think u very big ah...

The story of Tree, Leaf & Wind

Tree

The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good
at painting trees. Overtime I start to use a
tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for
all my watercolors painting.

I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U.
There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare
go after her. She doesn't have a pretty face,
doesn't have a good figure, and doesn't have
outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary gal.

I like her. I really like her.
Like her innocence, like her frankness.
Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility.

Reason for not going after her is because I felt
somebody so ordinary like her is not a good
match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are
together all the good feelings will vanish.
I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her.

I felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine
ultimately and I don't have to give up
everything just for her.

The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years.

She watches me chase after gals, and I have made
her heart cry for 3 years. She wants to be a
good actress and I'm a very demanding director.

When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us.
She was embarrassed but smile and say "Go on!" before running off.

The next day, her eyes were swollen like a
walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about
what causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day.

When everybody go back home, she was alone
crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I
returned from soccer training to get something.
I watch her cry for an hour or so.

My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was
once when both of them quarreled. I know that
based on her character she's not the type that
will start off the quarrel. But I still sided
with my girlfriend.

I shouted at her and her eyes were filled
shock. I didn't care about her feelings and
walked off with my girlfriend.

The next day, she still laughs and joke with me
like nothing has ever happened. I know that
she's very hurt but she didn't know that my
heart ache is as bad as hers.

When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked
her out. After going out for a day, I told her
that I have something to tell her. She told me
that coincidentally, she has something to tell
me too. I told her about my break up and she
told me about her getting together with another guy.

I know who the guy is. He has been going after
her for quite a while. A very cute guy, full of
energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for
her has been the talk of the school. I can't
show her my heart ache but could only smile and
congratulate her.

When I reach home, the heart ache is so strong
that I can't stand it. It's like a heavy-weight
stone on my chest. I couldn't breath.
Wanted to shout but can't.

Tears rolled down and I broke down and cry. How
many times have I seen her cry for the man that
doesn't acknowledge her presence too?

During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was
send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry. I
haven't read it since then.

It says "Leaf departure is because of Wind
pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay?"

**************

Leaf

During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why?
Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree
she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage.

During the 3 years of Pre-U, I was on very close
terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind.

But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a
feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy.
The sourness in the heart can't be described by
using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemons.
Sourness to the extreme limit.

They were only together for 2 months. When they
broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness.
But after a month, he got together with another gal.

I like him and I know he like me. But why won't
he pursue me? Since he loves me why he doesn't
want to make the first move? Whenever he had a
new girlfriend, my heart would hurt.

Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin to
suspect that this is a one sided love. If he
doesn't like me, why does he treat me so well?
It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend.

Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can
know his likes, his habits. But his feelings
towards me I can never figure out. You can't
expect me a gal to ask him right?

Despite that, I still want to be by his side.
Care for him, accompany him, and love him.
Hoping that one fine day, he will come and love me.

It's like waiting for his phone call every
night, wanting him to send me sms. I know that
no matter how busy he is, he will make time for
me. Because of this, I waited for him.

The 3 years were the hardest to go through and I
really want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder
should I continue waiting.

The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompanies me
for 3 years. Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd
year junior begins to go after me. Everyday he
pursuit me relentlessly.

From outright rejection to a point in time when
I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small
footing in my heart. He's like a warm and gentle
wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree.

In the end, I realized that I didn't want to
give this wind a small footing in my heart.

I know this wind will bring this badly battered
leave far away and better land. Finally I left
tree, but the tree only smile and didn't ask me to stay.

Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or
because Tree didn't ask her to stay?

**************
Wind

Because I like a gal called leaf. Because she's
so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust
wind. A wind that will blow her away.

When I first met her, it was 1 month after I
transfer to the new school. I saw a petite
person looking at my seniors and me playing soccer.

During ECA time, she will always be sitting
there. Be it alone or with her friends looking
at him. When he talks with gals there's jealousy
in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a
smile in her eyes.

Looking at her became my habit. Just like she
likes to look at him.

One day, she didn't appear. I felt something is
wrong. I can't explain the feeling except it's a
kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not
there as well.

I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw
my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left.

The next day, I saw her at her usual place,
looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her.
Took out a note and gave to her. She was surprised.

She looked at me, smiled and accepts the note.
The next day, she appeared and passes me a note and left.

"Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away."

"It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It's
because leaf never want to leave tree." I
replied her note with this statement and slowly
she started to talk to me and accept my presents and phone calls.

I know that the person she loves is not me. But
I have this perseverance that one day I will
make her like me. Within 4 months, I have
declared my love for her no less than 20 times.

Every time, she will divert away from the topic.
But I never give up. If I decide I want her to
be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over.

I can't remember how many times I have declared
my love to her. Although I know she will try to
divert but I still bear a small ray of hope.
Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend.
I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone.

I asked "What are you doing? How come you didn't
want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head."

"Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding
my head" She replied loudly.

I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a
taxi and rush to her place and press her door bell.
During the moment when she opens the door,
I hugged her tightly.

Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit.
Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay?

**************
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

The HARDEST thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?Saying something and wishing you hadn't?, orSaying nothing and wishing you had?

*What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?

When it HURTS to look back, and you're SCARED to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.

*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt?

wah lau... all of us wear till so zai den in the end Ms Loy tell us that the seminar is postpond... we will like "wat the F***?"... those wo bring the clothings to change can simply change and go out lah... but for ppl like me who is so lazy and wear formal to sch with the heels... hahaz... have to suffer lor... walk ard in that shoes in NYP will kill lor... =X

After which we went to J8 and had our lunch... wah lau... Amy u prevent lor... cant believe u my GF... dont need to change lah... u r who u r... if u change we will feel very funny lor... and dun imitate me lor... i know i cute but dun need to imitate me mah... hahaz... =P

- I will always by ur side, when u need ME! -

hehez... went to see the firework with Cai Yun, Cheryn, Arimah, Eusoff, Yu Ching & Travis... when we went there... so many ppl sia.... had a hard time getting a place... the firework start at 8pm...

The firework was beautiful... never regretted going... Cai Yun said that it will be very romantic if come with BF sia... hahaz... which I agree lor.. the firework is darm nice... will be great if can share the moment with ur love one... Saw Jimmy Cai and Pei Jinng... steady ah... come romantic romantic together... I had a very big dream sia... hahaz

Took bus home from town... which took us like 1 hr bus ride... hahaz... really gt nthing better to do manz.... will upload all the photos asap... =P

hahaz... went to cut my hair... different frm the pervious one... nw look more refresh... den went to pierce my ear again... so nw I have 4 ear holes on 2 ears... 3 on the right ear and 1 on the left... dun ask me why I pierce again.. I just feel like piercing... =P

Went to the see Spook Show... The ppl dress up and went ard scarying the hell out of everyone... we can heard screams everywhr... b4 the actual chow we will all laughing at the laughter of the video it is so funny lor dat we keep laughing... It was a show all abt psychic power... together there are 5 sets of psychic power dat the pastor/illusionist showed us... It was very amusing and interesting...

After everything the pastor started preaching, he tok abt Bible, Body Soul and God... It was very motivating... U must be wondering why a church will choose a spook show... it is bcos they want us to realised that God is always with them (Christians )... after which he started praying... As I am a free-thinker I just close and bow my head as a form of respect... after that the pastor ask all those who 1st time pray to move to the front as the church want to welcome them into the family...

Saw Tammy after the show... she was from Faith and was helping out at the back stage.... she was very surprise when she saw me sia... keep calling me Ma'am... dun be so scare lah... I wont eat u up or....

Went for so-called dinner after dat... Michael darm sad lor cos she wen to BK and nt the food court... but one interesting thing is that he went all the way to BK just to buy drinks... he darm shy lor frm the Spook show till we had our dinner... mainly bcos we keep suaning him lah... but U must jia you lor... We will always support u one... but be like Zhi Xiong and Candice only ard 2 weeks and they together liao... wish them all the best... =D

stupid EWS tutor... Katherine Yeo... come to the class give dat F***ing face... nt happy say lah... I know u jealous dat we like Lu-Ann... nt looking forward for EWS lessons anymore.... see ur stupid face will only make me start to scold all the abc lor...

Hahaz... today Kevin Kho, Terissa, Bee Leng, Joanne, Jun Xiong and ME share our crush stories sia... but most of the time is Kevin Kho telling his story.... really make ppl sad lor... he waited for 2 yrs and dat stupid ger... why u keep gifing him hope?... dun bully my class ppl hor... if nt u will nt be able to see tml sunrise .... but Kevin Kho.... must jia you... when she need u just be by her side she will realised one day.... den that Jun Xiong keep quiet through out the conversation.... must be hiding something frm us.. but dun wan to force him lah...

Hope wat Jun Xiong say abt the class will nt be true... dun wan to see these happending... but if it happends wat can do??

Herry: We r in the same boat nw, cannot anti-social me lor... if nt I will vent all my sadness on U.... hahaz.... if gt any problem, must tell me hor.... I am nt racist one lor, and I am the best.... hahaz.... =P

hahaz... long time neber play bball and captain ball le... had a few games with the primers... wah lau.... use my hand to block the ball... in the end gt myself hurt... the ball very the hard lor.... btw which bball in the world is nt hard lor.... hahaz.... had a great game today... but I think the guys abit violent lah... =X... btw nw Alan necome Helen and Joseph become Josephine.... hahaz... =P

I think tml confirm muscle-ache... hahaz... and a lot of injuries sia... my face gt hit by Celement, nearly sprain my ankle again... den my wrist hurts... lucky is left hand if nt dunnoe how I go for my testsss tml...

*Really admire Angeline's courage... wish both Sammy and Angeline all the best* =D

OMG.... crazy abt statistics survey... need to complete lots of them within 1 night... ask Mok Yu Ching to help ME... he say he nt helpful... wont help ME... watever... but thanks to all my frenz... finally I finish my survey le... can do the project tml le.... hehez... den one project down.... and more to come... Lu-ann went back to england le... back to her BBC... so sad lor... neber ever tell us that she left le.... we will like blur blur when we went to her room and look for her... hahaz.... she is really a great teacher.... very direct and cool... wish her all the best in BBC...

Cant believe I spend more than 12 hours in school today.... most of the time stoning... I think after Primers camp... I had learn the act of stoning le.... hahaz.... if nobody going to save me.... sooner or later I will turn into a stone le.... having BB activities tml.... looking forward meh.... start to miss all of them le... so fun.... especially EPO & MIRACEL

*The whole camp only remember ME as the queen lor, and nt my name *

Slept till 1 pm today... didnt went out just stay at home and rot... watch NDP'04... it was a great show... very thankful dat we have PM Goh with us thru all these yrs... really must salute to him...

Thanks Sandy... U r the only one who know wat happen to ME... xie xie ni... feel better nw.. hahaz.... dun worry... Joan is always so strong and cool... =P

anyone miss ME? yup... back from BB primers camp... a very differnt camp frm the red x one... cos it is a leisure camp mah... den I also darm differnt lor... do u believe I am the last 1 to wake up in my bunk? hahaz

Day 1
We book in like ard 8pm lor... first time book in so late... hahaz... den have games... we gt the war game... den I am the queen for my side... they r suppose to "decorate" me with newspaper and stuffs lor... den it was a water game... the oppsite team throw water bomb den my grp suppose to ensure that I am as dry as possible lor... den it is the 1st time so many ppl protect me lor... many ppl circle ard me and protect me against the water... I was in deep thouhts at that time and tears was rolling in my eyes.... in the end my team won... yeepi... den we had the game Truth Fall... we will suppose to fall as our back facing our frenz down the stage and they will catch us using the blanket... I went up... It really took me a lot of courage to fall... and yes I fell and they catch me... this game really need a lot of courage and trust... was chatting with Sara(mentor) and Yvonne till 3am b4 I fall asleep sia... 1st time I chatted till I sleep =P

Day 2
It was a day of games... we had so much fun today... btw my grp name is EPO.... nice rite... hahaz... our grp merge with MIRACLE for games and campfire performances... We had rafting... so tired... and I am abit tanned now... =P... Eusoff taught them the dance dat we had during CRD... they learn it within 30 minutes.... so cool... we really had a lot of fun... The perforances from all the grp was nice... we had so much fun and I nearly lost my voice cos i was cheering all the way lor... hahaz.... our grp went up to 2nd level and play guitar and sing... at first it was just a few of us in the end may others joined us... while the rest continue cheering and dancing in the canteen after campfire...

Day 3
So fast the camp is cuming to an end... we had created the bond amg us through all these 3 days... we enjoyed ourselves... so glad to know all the ppl in MIRACLE & EPO.... especially EPO... dun feel sad when leaving the camp cos we will still meet up in sch mah... den almost all of them will cum over to section 3... yeepi... den we can have activity together le...

I think I am really different in this camp... maybe is the role I play, the things that bother me b4 the camp... but I really enjoyed myself in this camp....

*saw Joshua & Kian Boon in this camp... they r the camp committee... and instructors for WGS BB... I think they quite shocked to see Eusoff and ME there... hahaz...*

haiz... wanted to type it out but always changes my mind last minute... but wat i can say is that i gt mixed feeling lor... jia lat... hope that can be like last time.... den i will be having these kind of feeling nw... omg... it has been like yrs den i am having these kind of feelings again... jia lat... maybe history will repeat itself ba...

haiz... my finger tips feel numb nw... bcos of yesterday guitar lesson...
find it cool to play guitar lor... hahaz... learn 3 chords yesterday... hahaz... sooner or later I will be able to play a song le.... =P

had JNC dinner yesterday... everyone looks the same... finally she told us personally abt Gary le... hahaz... wah lau... cannot go to NP this sat becos gt Primers camps.... den Yah Fong and Pei Hua will be joining Primers in NP too... den I will get a chance to see them during combined activities.... hahaz

hahaz... mok actually wake up himself... when I called him to wake him (suppose to wake him up la) and he sound awake lor... 1st time... last morning make mi break record... 40 miss calls and today he wake up himself... omg.... I thin next time he can be mi alarm clock le... hahaz....

yup... and mok is sick... hahaz... u deserve it... opps jk lor... better drink more water and rest well lor...

omg... still habent study econs test... nt neber study lah... they just cant get into mi head... must jia you for mi 1st test... wish mi best of luck tml....

*miss Sarah... stupid camp make mi cannot meet her on sat*

had ubin aop today with my sec 3 cmc... didnt stay thr out the aop bcos of NDC post mortem... their aop should be ok... nt to worry the exercise will only be excuted in nov... as for NDC post mortem only Mizael, Miao Ling, Ying Sheng, Eusoff, Vanessa & Chiu Weng Sir attened cos the rest unable to make it... it ended quite fast with most of the things discussed...

after dat went to Somerset and had long john... Ying Sheng treated us cos he gt his pay.... THANKS bro... my cadets meet us there... great thing is that the guys dunnoe how to walk frm PS to Somerset -_-"... den when the gers cum they shouted our names (Eusoff & mine) which is like so embrassing lor... Miao Ling, YS, Mizael, Eusoff & I were like finding place to hide our faces lor...

Wah Lau... how u feel when u go walk-walk with 10 gers.... and they embrassed u in Orchard Rd... the 10 gers started calling mi "Mummy"... which is like.... in the end i only acknowledged 2... hahaz... 11 of us squeeze into 1 neoprint machine lor... but the pic was nice lor...

Cai Yun and Amirah were studying on the MRT... cos they having tests... see them study... make me feel dat it is time for me to work hard le... dun want to waste time and $$... on our way back... Ying Sheng & I were talking abt our cadet's life... so memorable lor... when all 3 schs of rcy cadets having activity at the same time in 1 parade square.... doing push-ups together in one voice... so coolz... it also make me feel dat I am old liaoz... =P